It’s Ok — The Constant Deafening Hum
Can you hear it? The constant deafening hum. The soundtrack in your head that accompanies the one thing after another that life likes to throw your way. Not the scare the bajeezus out of you alarm clock blare from a dead sleep sound. No, I mean the constant and deafening hum reminding you about the pain, illness, grief, loss and uncertainty of our daily existence. The volume goes up or down depending upon our focus. Although the individual circumstances may vary, I bet many of you know what I am talking about. There is an indescribable hum in your head constantly reminding you of what used to be OK, what is currently not OK and the reminder of what is still coming that may or may not be OK.
This constant deafening hum doesn’t disrupt the entire day. In fact, some parts of a day, it is so feint it can’t be heard at all. Life happens daily which demands attention to a myriad of experiences. Some good, some bad and some just meh. The constant deafening hum I’m talking about rings in our ears when life slow down. When the daily distractions fail to do their job and our minds and emotions wander. I imagine the constant deafening hum for each person is as varied and unique as the situations that create them in the first place. Is your hum the inspirational movie score from Rocky that pushes you to keep fighting the good fight? Is it a maniacal constant drum beat from the movie Jumanji that blares like fraternity hell week fun. Maybe it’s a mix tape from the recent half time Super Bowl shows blending Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, 50 Cent, Eminem and Mary J. Blige on repeat.
Whatever the constant deafening hum is please know you are not alone. Some may use phrases or colloquialisms like always on the back of my mind or never a moments peace to try to explain the constant uneasiness. For too long I have been afraid to portray anything but positivity to family, friends and the world with my constant deafening hum of Cancer, Crohn’s, pain, depression and much more that make up my personal one thing after another life. However, today is a gift and an opportunity to embrace all of the good and the bad that makes up the soundtrack of my life. Beginning today, I will embrace my constant deafening hum by adding to my personal mix tape from 38 Special, to Metallica to Kenny Chesney to the Piano Guys and recently Nightbirde.
I recently read about the passing of Jane Marczewski, professionally known as Nightbirde. She was a fellow cancer…