I Miss my Mom’s hugs today
I write this blog with mixed emotions. Today is October 12th, 2022 which represents my wife and I’s 8th wedding anniversary. I doubt our marriage is significantly different from other couples. We have celebrated the highest of highs, and wondered if we would survive the lowest of lows. We continue to live out loud the vows for richer or poorer and in sickness and health. Our marriage theme song is a medley of circus music, Michael Buble’ love ballads and the theme from Jaws. Constantly on loop.
Tomorrow, October 13th is a different story. It represents the 17th anniversary of the passing of my Mom from non-smoking lung cancer. Writing that sentence after all this time is still surreal. I live in a constant mental haze of lost details and memories while vividly recalling her funeral. I am not sure why this year seems so difficult. I can’t think of any hidden messages or significant signs from year 17. However, this year, this anniversary of her passing seems much more difficult than in prior years.
Reflecting on why this year seems more difficult, I believe it is the neverending bond between a child and their mother. As kids, when we scrape our knees and sniffle our sniffles, we want our Moms. As we grow older, the situations that make life difficult increase in severity and complexity, but the desire to reach out for the comforting words and embraces that only Mom’s can provide continues. Personally, the last three years have been very difficult and have left me a little skittish towards life’s next gut punch and yearning for her comfort. Three gut punches named Covid, Cancer and Careers (The Three C’s!) have impacted myself and my family in ways I could have never anticipated. Three years of a global pandemic left people broken, physically and mentally trying to process the catastrophic loss of life and loss of economic security. Add me to this list as I have watched friends pass away and personal savings go up in smoke because of Covid. Cancer, or C number two arrived uninvited causing our families lives to be turned into a constant chaotic Black Friday free for all. During this time I ingested enough chemotherapy to literally poison myself to death several times and enough radiation to become a human glow stick. I live in the constant uneasiness of what has happened and what is still to come. Adding to the mental battle with cancer I watched my best friend pass away from the same type of cancer, merely two months ahead of me in original diagnosis. In a world of…